THE THREE (3) PRACTICES OF COMPASSION

When asked about core values that people hold dear pertaining to relationships, they almost always say “I want to be someone who is compassionate.” When it comes time to identifying the very obvious and specific behaviors that show they are being compassionate, folks often struggle. One day, many years ago, someone introduced me to these three (3) practice of compassion and one moratorium. I carried the handout around for years until it become so tattered and torn that it fell apart. It went something like this:

Three practices of compassion:

1. Listen intently with your entire heart, soul, and being.
2. Ask questions that encourage a deeper understanding of the issue/topic for yourself and for the other person.
3. Offer support. “Is there something I can do to help?’ If at all possible, DO IT in a willing manner!! If it goes against your morals or other values, simply say, “I am not willing to do that. Is there something else I can do to help?”

One Moratorium (a temporary prohibition of an activity):

No advice-giving, judging, scolding, name-calling, blaming, criticizing, or hitting below the belt (using their vulnerabilities against them). Although sometimes what the other person wants IS advice-giving, just be clear that you are no longer in compassion mode (you are now in advice-giving mode).

Practice being compassionate for entire conversations.

A client that I shared this with on a sticky note typed this up for me and also offered the following Wikipedia definitions of compassion:

Compassion is an emotion that is a sense of shared suffering, most often combined with a desire to alleviate or reduce the suffering of another; to show special kindness to those who suffer. Compassion essentially arises through empathy, and is often characterized through actions, wherein a person acting with compassion will seek to aid those they feel compassionate for.

Compassionate acts are generally considered those which take into account the suffering of others and attempt to alleviate that suffering as if it were one’s own.

Compassion differs from other forms of helpful or humane behavior in that its focus is primarily on the alleviation of suffering.

Here is a youtube video of Oprah Winfrey exploring compassionate listening with Thich Nhat Hahn as well as a few internet links that offer some suggestions on how to approach and practice being compassionate.

Oprah with Thich Nhat Hahn on Compassionate Listening

http://www.livehappy.com/relationships/friends/3-crucial-building-blocks-compassion

http://www.positivelypositive.com/2013/08/20/awakening-your-compassion-8-steps-to-cultivate-a-daily-practice/

The ACT of Giving

Giving our time, energy, and attention to others is such a vital, meaningful activity. Not only does giving help others, but it provides us the opportunity to go beyond the self, beyond the ego, and

do whatever is needed in the moment.

Sometimes when we offer to help someone or volunteer to an organization, we start to offer advice or impose our own will or ego on the activity or tasks at hand. This is not volunteering. This is not really giving. This is trying to inflate the ego by showing how smart we are or how right we are. If we offer to help someone or an organization, we can frequently ask “What can I do to help?” and “What else can I do?” This does not mean doing things that we believe are immoral or illegal or in opposition to our deeply held values. We are always free to say, “I am not willing [or able] to do that for you. Is there something else I can do to help?” But if there is any way we can do what is asked, without imposing our own will or complaining, we will truly have the opportunity to go beyond the self, beyond the ego. When we give in this way, we are not looking to get anything out of the activity or task except the acknowledgement that the task has been completed. This does not mean we will never complain inside our own minds. While helping others I have sometimes thought things like, “This is a disgusting task” or “I have too much in my own life to do” or “Why should I help others when I am in need?” or “I thought this would make me happy.” In the spirit of the heading of this blog, the ACT of giving is what counts the most. We can just watch our thoughts, maybe even chuckle at how whiny our egos can be, and redirect our attention back to the task at hand, back to the moment, back to giving. In this way, we become meditative as we watch our minds do their endless thinking while our hands and actions do the giving.

I wish you great success in the act of giving.

~ Michelle Ryng